[	wat the hells goin on?	|	ya kno, the usual	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	a mix, eagle eye cherry, howie day, stevie wonder, coldplay	]

at the end of the day, im gonna say wat i mean.  ~ this time around…

you kno its weird,  I wrote this and even I get confused, not really…

            here goes...

you know that her friend is tellin her how much better she is than you,  thats a taste of friendship.  and bawlin in the Ford, using Dunks napkins to wipe my eyes dry, knowing all to well that the comfort of Puffs tissues are in the back.  the light in the mirror reflects the face in such a way that i cant stop watching the tears,  ~the eyes turn a stronger green when i cry~  it'll only shows what i want to see, it's perfect.  fitting only the hazel eyes, cherry nose, hair, the top and the very tip of the bottom lip.  the cheeks show a softer shade of blush now, that is not exactly artificial.  the eyes water just enough to wash away the mascara, but not enough to destroy the curl that it gives them.  its getting cold, and morning is slowly reaching its golden fingers on to the horizon to bring out the inevitability of another life.  the feeling is dampening and not sure that it'll be ok,  but i've gotta get out of here before my car starts to fog... the neighbors might talk...

the italicized and underline writing is my fave.

You might not understand it, but I wish someone would.

So this semester is gonna be interesting…

I want to stretch my singing abilities, and learn all there is to kno

I want people to love my voice!!    lol

So the theatre class Im taking is so much more involved than I thought it would be.  But im hopeful about the idea of me growing as a person of theatre.  ~I think that makes sence~  hahaha! 

Cause this time could mean good~bye

As I wind down to a conclusion, remember this… love ya lots…  <3

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	tired	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	just the tv	]

so i went to the cape today... and wat an interesting trip that was!

my grandfather has a cottage for about 3 weeks and i went with my aunt and uncle, which is a friggen trip in itself.  the 3 hour drive which was filled with bickering and petty arguments that only kids 20 and under should be having.  And they are well in their 40's!  so we get to his house and its cute... nothing to exciting and there she is!  this old lady that is just there and not a part of my family... its almost as if she is part of a higher class of people er something.  its just akward.  and the lil petty fights just continue and its just weird...

oh well... i wont hafta do that again...

i mean i feel like shit to begin with... so why not some variety of shitiness?.... blah

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	melancholy	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	this time around> Howie day... i want my cd back Mer! lol	]

so it was an interesting week... lets do a day-by-day.... or lets not...

beginning of the week... feeling- akward... bcaz we brought someone only one of us knew.... but after she said more than 2 words, she was easy to get along with.  the stupid tarp meg brought was the size of a friggen football field... and the neighbors laughed... and then they helped us... after they got it up, it didnt look too bad... but then it rained and we cut huge holes in the tarp bcaz the water was making puddles, and it refused to run off the tarp.  my sister came up the second day with her friend derek... FUCKING DICK!!  ahem... yeah i dont like him very much... if ya couldnt tell already.  wont go into details... she brought some drinks up and we had some fun...  good times... then the fourth... wasnt too exciting... we saw some fireworks... and i taped them... pointless!  caz they are boring to watch and you kno youre gonna see fireworks some other time in your life.  but i def had to pee real bad... and then there were these guys who looked like they were gonna kill each other... scary, was the mood.... lol  that was funny, i'm funny.... hahaha!  britt!  youre THE funniest!... and sooooo where was i?.... yes the next day OMG.... i dont remember!.... but i kno meg nearly killed up when she stopped short to see the moose... which i could tape... and it was fun......  Mer- its a kangaroo on a horse!..... oh yea...  :)  oooooooooooooooooooooooooooookie dokie...
the hills were alive with the sound of music and Mexico smelled terrible... ew... and Maine has the smallest waiting rooms for the emergency room... ya we went there on a rainy day...and then Wal-Mart... they are friendly up there... lol... okk enuf of that ... i'm getting tired of typing to no one... bye...

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	crushed	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	lifehouse> everything	]

you cant force love....  how do you force love?  i dont understand....
should love just come naturally?.... is it something you have to work towards?
why does it have to be superficial?....  i can be so superficial
why can't i take this whole LJ thing lightly?
why am i always writing about this stupid love thing!?
caz i guess i dont have a good enough reason to cry about love...
i haven't ever been in love....
but isn't that a good enough reason?
i want to love and be loved

my sister makes fun of me... she calls me a dumb bitch...
she thinks i hang out at MB too much
and maybe i do....
i've made some pretty good friends there

i miss my gurls.... :)  in about a week i will be unreachable... not that anyone else would want to just chat anyway
but i will be with some of the greatest people in the world.
and i mean that soooo much.... i love them! 
and i am so sure that we will have a blast in Maine
even if there is drama....u kno poeple cant live w/out a lil drama....
maybe there will be sides.... maybe it will be peaceful....
but whatever it is.... it will be a week to remember.... i love you guys

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	shity	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	fuck you	]

Bored... so bored in fact that i checked out Nysnc.com.... omg how sad... and i couldn't even get into the website caz my computer is so fucking slow... err!  and now i got the old old BSB playing on my cd player...  i'm so fucking bored and pissed and argh...  just dont even ask... ...

arghhhhh!  im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo blah... 
yeah...... i didnt want to go swimming anyways.... but thats not why i'm all argh..... i just feel like crap...   its just one of those days. 

my hand is killing me... its itchy... and it hurts... and my nose is runny... and so are my eyes! 

God .... i am so done with this

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	...	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	movie> under the tuscan sun	]

"WHAT IS IT ABOUT LOVE THAT MAKES US SO STUPID?"

its not even love either!  its just life in general.  

so lily said that i dont write enuf about my gurls... so here goes...

the other week was def a nifty fun week.... even thou we had noooo money... nights at Roberts Field were def interesting... :) 
ergh,.... every time i want to write some funny shit that happened i always forget..... until like the next day... i hate it!

Under the Tuscan Sun.... its one of those movies. 
Never loose your childish enthusiasim...
i like to think i've always had it... and i dont think it'll ever leave!

but life has a way of goin good, then the minute u close your eyes...  all u got is the back of your eye lids....darkness...

wat is it about love that makes us so stupid?

i want to go to italy.... 

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	geeky... but still hurt	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	work... jimmy eat world!	]

sooooooooooo!.... followed by a deep sigh....  the last week, 

filled with one gradutaion, one arrival of a grandfather, uncle drama, and a whole bunch of hanging out with friends!.... wait i have no friends...shit!  hahaha jkjk
so i just got back from the beach tonite with niko and tommy,  good times at hampton beach, and many more to come!  but maybe no drives through Lawrence.... please?... that would be just FANTASTIC!!  lol 

ok i'm back... just got some pinapples for a snack... NOT!!  hahaa!  fuck him... fuck him up his stupid ass!  heh

i got frosted flakes instead... loser...

ok for those who didnt understand that... disregard it!

lindsey reading cosmo in the booth to me and Deryl is by far one of the most funniest moments in MB history! 
and it ends with cereal?  of all things?  CEREAL!?  ahahahaha!

If you leave me now you’ll take away the biggest part of me

No baby please don’t go

And if you leave me now the take away the very heart of me

I just want you to stay

A love like ours is love that’s hard to find

How could we let it slip away?

We’ve come to far to leave it all behind

How could we end it all this way?

Tomorrow comes and we’ll both be glad

The things we said today…

I love that song!!!!!  It’s on my A Lot Like Love soundtrack…. GOOD ONE!!!  Lol … L…. But J

Man, I gots sand allll over me!  Stupid Niko…. Lol …

I just feel like shit…

the fact that some one can just throw me aside like that

how?

“It’s not me just to wear it on my sleeve, count on that for sure”

As much as I kno he’s not worth it…

It might have been worth it…

It wasn’t.

But the thing that hurts the most,

 Is that I cry over it.

Its not fair.

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	better	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	Lifehouse... hells yes	]

I HATE THIS!!!! the minute you finish your LJ entry you do something stupid to delete it!!!!!~ eh

So I was writing about dinner last night w/ a FEW of the MB kids… Kyle, Sue, Kary, Lauren, Nick and Deryl. (deryl, Spoken w/ a lil attitude….*)  but it was finally fun.  And just that I feel that I have to apologize to the 9’s for everyone’s behavior. 

That was a paragraph in a nut shell….. and the rest is this…

*I hate being a bitch to deryl… but… eh~

And the rest …..i cant remember... I hate that….

And we're not gonna live forever

            Can you tell me is it now or never

                        I'm not gonna make up your mind

I don't wanna live without you

            And I don't wanna live a lie

                        We'll never know till we try

Yeah we'll never know till we try

I have Lifehouse on the brain. 

I have to switch a Saturday 4-cl w/ someone… cause its Joey’s graduation… J

But other than that, this week is solely devoted to friends!!!!!  Yeah!!

Takin Craig’s (and everyone else’s) advice and I’m not gonna chase some guy.  I’m gonna spend more time w/ my friends instead of just being all depressed by myself… J

“I loved you more than you’ll ever kno

Part of me died when I let you go”  ß  no more of that!!!  For now…

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	things suck sometimes	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	jo dee messina	]

so i love love.....   but it hurts..... but i'm not sure i kno wat love is!... i think i have a good idea

the whole thing is done.... i screwed it up... caz i freaked out... thinking about things too much can be bad...

but i guess i need to think for myself, and stop looking to other people to give me the answer

i need to trust my own judgement....

its just that

another day has almost come and gone,  i cant imagine wat else could go wrong?....
sometime i need to hide away somewhere and lock the door...
tomoro's another day
and i'm thirsty anyway
so bring on the rain
it's almost like the hard time circle round a couple drops then they all start comin down
so bring on the rain...

yea im talkin bout the whole love thing... but i'll tell ya... 
My friends are the greatest people in the world...
and i love them and they love me!!!!   lol  
and thats awesome.... :)

but baby don't wait till its too late... these are the days

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	yawn*	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	oh yeah music.... u2> sometimes u cant make it on your own	]

why is it when i have something important to finish i always end up writing in my livejournal.... i need to do a powerpoint prezintation and finish it in an hour.... it'll get done... and then i dont have to go to that class ever again!!!  woooo hooo!  my computer apps. class kinda sucked,  we bought this $200 book and used it twice...  wats the point!  errrr  oh well, i'll just return it. 

 so 2nite i'm goin to the hockey game.... and it really dont want to... well, its not that i dont want to, but i just dont have the energy rite now, maybe later i'll feel different.  hopefully...   anyway... this is my day off i've been workin since last thursday, every night.  not that bad but i have a lot of stuff i should be doin instead like studing...  oopps... its almost over... last day is friday and then i got like one final, the rest are take home stuff.  which i am sooooooooooooo thankful for.... lol,  which reminds me,  history...i gotta do that one.... lol...  im likin the new U2 song.... anyone?  i recorded some of the song on my phone...yeah i can do that!  isnt it nifty!? 

omg the other day when i was closing w/ vaughn on sunday,  greg came in the booth at the end of the night to check all that stuff and he's lookin around in the lost and found drawer... omg i thought i had a heart attack... he found my watch... i didnt even kno i lost it... lol

i'm really sick of ignoring deryl.... just something..... i miss tellin him all the annoying things people do and we just laugh at it,  its stupid and im stupid and this is so childish,  but i dont kno wat to do.  bcz i dont think he thinks of it as a big deal... but it is to me...  
i'm thinking about it too much....

im hungry.... cheez~its.... yum

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	bored	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	gurl!!! DC	]

so this whole "waiting for class" thing is very over-rated, and it needs to stop... lol 
im just so inncredibly bored,  i really should be doing some homework, and being all responsible .... yeeeah

so anyway,  interesting convo last night w/ dairy man joe... lol  i love pinapples and he now KNOS that... wait opps,  *knows... lol  he seems to love something else... wink, wink... ;) hahaha!  so i'll bring the pinapples tonight...

cheez-it time.... i think...

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	mest	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	until i met you> mest	]

looooooosing my mind
once again

25, 25 to life.... is wat i could get....  love that song.... its about love....  love sucks, therefore i hate that song,  sorry for the confusion... lol

so school is almost over...

i cant find the cd i want to listen to...  taking back sunday..... i soooooooo want to listen to that music....  im so sick of the same old.... boring.....   ok... so i have nothing to say,  i gots me a boring life....

ad vaughn thought that bobby liked me... and i liked him i guess,   but now everything's different.... and thats kinda sad.....  i dont want to go to the hockey game now.... 

and now for a song!

Shaking on the outside
Because of what I'm feeling inside
My chest is fucking hurting
And my stomach's fucking burning

I laugh when you are crying,
You say inside you're dying,
Because you gave up way too early,
Your fucking pain is so deserving...

Don't wanna take it
Because I fucking hate it
Why do we talk when
All we do is argue
Nothing to be said
Except you make me wish I was dead
This time I'm breaking off for good
I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
Until I met you

I fucking hate the way I'm feeling
Because my fucking life's not changing
You broke me down when you stopped caring
Your fucking misery's my healing

Don't wanna take it
Because I fucking hate it
Why do we talk when
All we do is argue
Nothing to be said
Except you make me wish I was dead
This time I'm breaking off for good
I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
Until I met you

I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
Until I met you
I never felt this way before
Until I met you
I never felt this way before
Until I met you

one of the faves.... Mest hence the name.....mest-up9923  duh.....

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	bored	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	the tv	]

sooooooooooo.... the "o" button sticks... i hate it....

[	wat the hells goin on?	|	not too proud bout MB!	]
[	the noise in my ears	|	i have a kelly clarkson song in my head> hazel eyes?	]

niko said i need a vacation.... yup, i do. 
but i think i'm okay for a while... the situation has passed, but i'm not proud of it at all.

i have so much homework to do... i really shouldnt be writing in this LJ.... but i am and watcha gonna do?

actually im done.... bye